What are you Compensating for?

I have foot in mouth as many of you who know me will attest to! For those of you who regularly follow my blog you’ll know about my struggle with mental ill health in the form of depression. When I’m in the deep sadness I am less sharp socially than I need to be and live knowing at any moment I could unwittingly do / say something and drop a clanger. I do this because my diplomacy filters aren’t functioning as they usually do and I interact from within my cloud. I have lost count of the times I’ve acted first and weighted up my actions second only to realise I’ve dropped the ball and framed my conversation too bluntly and caused offence. This really bugs me about me!

I was pondering a few of the times when the mess of my inner-self sloped out and I suffered the humiliation of ‘not being the nice person everyone thought I was’... (Actually most of the time I'm really quite a likeable person). I genuinely care deeply for people; they matter to me – so when I inadvertently cause hurt I'm reminded of my need for God. I’m reminded of His grace and His goodness towards me. During my quiet time it dawned on me that much of what I do tries to compensate for this weakness, for no one enjoys rejection. I realised I try and be so kind and so loving; folks will overlook my weird days.  There are times this has led to an unhealthy exhaustion as I’ve tried to people please to compensate for the times I know I'll probably drop a clanger! 

What I have learned in my time on this earth is when I'm living to please God He covers me. He covers my inappropriateness, my pride, my mistakes. His grace somehow fragrances the contexts buffering against my foggy days. His grace brings humour and favour where I don’t deserve it. When I’m living to please my saviour I don’t need to compensate because His hand is upon my life shaping me, sculpting me into something that will bring Him Glory!

Folks - the Lord loves a trier! Just keep living to please Him, to bring Glory to the one who called you out of darkeners and into His wonderful light, and you’ll be ok!

Love Ruth 

More blogs from Ruth can be found on www.ruthtong.com

Control or be Controlled

Hey peeps I’m back! I’ve not blogged for a while as I’ve been up to my eyes so I guess I’d better make this a Doozie!

Lately I find I am increasingly working with teams of people. I love people! The skin and bone stuff of life, glaringly inconsistent, full of joy and sorrow meshed in the complexities of a human heart. Aren’t people wonderful? Yeah sometime crazy but always wonderful! People are the very purpose of God. He has an insatiable appetite to be involved in our lives, in all the muddle and all the majesty! God’s motivation towards all He has created is born of love. I’ve been thinking a lot about motivation of late… What drives a person to get their sleeves rolled up and get stuck in while others spectate? What leads someone to harm themselves, while others are led to heal? It’s good to develop a healthy self-awareness, to examine our ‘inner us’ and reason why we do what we do!

Teams work well where a leader has love as their motivation and not a need to be in control. Being rigidly in control can be a false god because when you’re holding on to power for power’s sake God is not really the boss of you! Often a need to be in control is rooted in fear or pride – Yikes that’s one well known yet lethal cocktail – I really want, nay need, God to be the boss of me completely in all areas, not just the ones I’m comfortable with letting go of. When we’re holding on to control we’re not trusting Our Father who has perfect motivation. When we consider God’s motivation we can see it’s humble, peacefully surrendered and filled with love. God’s love grows the potential in others. God’s love is pure in motive. God’s love releases the need to be in control; it is based on trust and choosing to think the best. The bible gives us a really helpful formula to help our motivation to be love rather than fear or pride…

Galatians 5:22-25 ‘But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. There is no law against such things. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit let us also be guided by the Spirit’. Mmmm… good advice from Paul eh?

Have a great week Hugs Ruth

In a few weeks my blogs will appear on my new website - so please do check it out www.ruthtong.com  

Are you Nuts?

There was a well known experiment carried out in 1973 in America by a team working with a guy called David Rosenhan. Eight researchers booked in to different institutions with various symptoms as patients to test if mental health professionals could recognise their patients beyond the diagnostic label which had been applied to them. Their finding made interesting reading.... You can read more 

 http://www.bonkersinstitute.org/rosenhan.html

The title of the study 'Being sane in insane places' for me is often what it feels like to be a Christian in the world today. There is much happening in our world that seems ludicrous and accepted as the norm. My heart breaks for those who are the product of dysfunctional parenting, relationships or self concept. I hate that self harming or depression is now considered a phase teenagers go through. I'm not ok with human trafficking or sex slavery and don't get me started on MP's expenses or bankers bonuses! 

BUT then I wonder what do I accept, what do I allow to be the 'norm' because I'm too busy or too lazy to do something about it? In the Rosenhan study the participants didn't act up they were passive in their 'pseudo insanity' and I'm challenged how passive am I? In Matthew in the bible it talks about taking the beam out of your own eye before you try and remove the speck from someone else's! 

People we need better eyesight, we need clearer vision to see the truth in an increasingly confusing world. This process requires humility because for us to deal with the junk in our own particular trunk we've got to be open to the resulting mess as we work through the crazy things we've accepted and absorbed. It takes courage to go into the mess of humanity with a mop and bucket and I applaud organisations such as IJM https://www.ijm.org/

 - HFJ  http://hopeforjustice.org.uk/ or Open Doors http://www.opendoorsuk.org/ who do brilliant work on behalf of the vulnerable. People as Christians we carry the hope of eternal life through relationship with Jesus; we carry His power to effect change and His love to heal. 

We each have today - shall we begin?  

Hugs Ruth 

I like Big Butts and I cannot lie!

I like the word ‘but’ – it’s a great word because it signals something unexpected is about to be communicated. The word ‘but’ causes a halt - it’s the stop sign for another direction, it’s the time out in conversation. It says look here this is important – you’ll wanna hear this! ‘But’ grabs us by both ears and demands our attention. I like clear direction, and simplicity, my Dad used to say 'our Ruth is as subtle as a brick in the face' because my need for clarity would cause me to over explain a point - Friends we need to pay attention when God gives us a ‘but’ because ‘buts’ can be total game changers. Here’s a few I’m applying to myself from Proverbs…

10: 9 ‘The person of integrity walks securely, BUT those who take crooked paths will be found out’. 27 ‘The fear of the Lord adds length to life BUT the years of the wicked are cut short.’ (You want to feel secure, at peace, in hope of a good life and future?) listen to this but!

11: 1 The Lord abhors dishonest scales, BUT accurate weights are His delight. 21 Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished, BUT those who are righteous will go free. (You need assurance that honesty is worth it, that justice matters to God and is being held by Him?) listen to this but!

12: 4 ‘A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, BUT a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones’. 15 ‘The way of a fool seems right to them BUT the wise listen to advice’. (You wonder why your life sucks and ‘it’ always happens to you?) listen to this but!

13: 2 ‘From the fruit of their lips people enjoy good things BUT the unfaithful have a craving for violence’. 3 ‘Those who guard their lips guard their lives, BUT those who speak carelessly will come to ruin’.  (You want fun, fruit and freedom in your life?) listen to this but!

14: 1 ‘The wise person builds their house BUT with her own hands the foolish one tears theirs down’. 34 ‘Righteousness exalts a nation, BUT sin is a disgrace to any people’. (you are dissatisfied and frustrated to the point of giving up) listen to this but!

15 1 ‘A gentle answer turns away wrath, BUT a harsh word stirs up anger’.  13 ‘A happy heart makes the face cheerful, BUT heartache crushes the spirit’. (You are weary from strife pain and anger) listen to this but….

Beloved there is hope in the place of BUT – Buts have life in them in the form of hope or of warning! So what do you say wanna make like the donkey from Shrek and sing it with me!

I like big butts and I cannot lie!

Hugs Ruth x

Success isn't what you think!

Mine’s bigger than yours, I’m stronger, I’m faster, I own, I’m more, I have…  any of that lot sound familiar? It’s good to achieve and be productive we’re created to bear fruit, but it’s not good to compare. Comparison is unhelpful because it places measurement on something unmeasurable. It lures us into the trap of self-satisfaction or at the other extreme total discouragement and it blinds us to the truth.  Think of the Empire State Building, it was designed by a bloke called William Lamb to compete with the Chrysler building and be taller - classic case of mine’s bigger than yours!  But who said taller was better, who made that the bench mark for excellence? In comparing, the achievement and beauty, the uniqueness of each wonderful building was obscured. Guys human kind has a confused sense of what success really is. We think power, movement, passion, speed, mass and strength are the characteristics of success but the truth is they are only part of the story. There is mystery and detail and a bigger picture; a picture where only God’s rule of thumb matters  - A picture where our petty positioning for power is as nothing before the source of all power itself.

God views our success from outside of time and He understands what has been invested and nurtured in the hidden soil of our hearts. God sees what you’ve had to overcome to sow in your small corner and I in mine... And His word tells us not to compare 2 Cor 12-18. I love that God has a purpose, He has a big picture and I’m a wee part of that! He sees every act born of love for His son Jesus. Peeps God sees…  He sees the chairs we stack, the meals we cook, or the prayers we pray. He sees the unity we build, the hugs we give, He sees the loving of the unlovely and hurts endured in the mess of service and He credits it to us. When we serve like we’re serving Jesus Christ Himself doing our best, giving it our all we forget the need to compare and jostle for attention because we will know our purpose.  Folks let’s NOT go compare – let’s determine to keep our eyes on Him and do our utmost in this short life to please Him alone!

Hugs Ruth x

So what is worship?

“Worship is not about music; worship is an expression of the heart. It’s an outward working of an inward stance” Dennis Merry.

We parked on the M25 yesterday, a lorry had broken down and so like the clogging of an over worked artery part of greater London was forced to grind to a halt as breakdown services were called. As we approached the flashing signs and gradually slowed to a standstill Elton John’s ‘Our Song’ came on the radio. The words describe how a lover would use their talents to show their love and this got me thinking about my own expression of love to my first love – Jesus.  Traffic Jams are a great place to think deep thoughts, to reflect on life where you've been, what you’re doing and where you’re going. I was thinking about the different ways us humans show love and how that out works on a personal level. I wonder about that inner stance of my heart; I wonder because when all is said and done it is this inner stance that will delight or grieve the Spirit.

I concluded that real expressions of love cost. It costs because human beings are messy. Relationships are complex and there’s a process, a journey in the working it all out (ness) of it all. Something beautiful is produced through the desire to connect deeply and cherish another person. We are often so wrapped up in ourselves we fail to recognise the sacrifice of love or worse we gloss over or belittle the cost another pays. If you've ever loved you’ll know the cost.. the searing vulnerability, the risk taken to offer love in the hope it will be returned. Great masterpieces, entrancing poetry, captivating sculptures or magnificent buildings take huge effort and resources willingly given. Freely given - energy, money and time just to offer an insight, a hope an expression of love from the depth of one soul to another and all without guarantee of love in return.

In psalm 42:7-8 ‘Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs His love at night His song is with me I lift up a prayer to the God of my life’. 

So how do we worship? – Beloved we do whatever it takes. We overlook our frustrations, our misunderstanding, our self-focus or our impatience with God. We press through all our junk because we love. Helpless in gratitude because He first loved us. We chose to love other’s because He first loved us.

Jesus this is my blog... and this one's for you.

Love Ruth x

Mom's stop fussin God’s got ‘em!!!!

Anyone else out there a bit of a control freak? We’ve been selling our house and I’ve gone all OCD about presenting it like Phil and Kirsty says I should. As soon as I get out of bed I make it look like no one’s every slept there, after a shower I polish the bathroom. I follow the dog round with the vacuum cleaner and have been finding it annoying when Nam messes with my sculpted display of fruit in the bowl by having the audacity to eat an orange – like seriously it was a beautiful pyramid!  I was thinking how brill it was to have both my kids living away from home and relishing in the fact that their bedrooms stay tidy. When the thought occurred to me was I always like this - only fussing in a less obvious way?

I was talking to a number of other mum’s recently about our children their lives, our hopes and dreams etc. and was struck by one particular theme with one particular group. This group was those whose children have left home. These young adults are carving out their own path in the world and in the process they are making mistakes. Consequently some of their mums are incredibly stressed because they love their kids and can’t bear to see their often self-inflicted pain. I found myself thinking if they are to survive in the water shed of letting go then we need to strengthen our trust in God because the truth is He’s got them messy as they may be in His hands.

Trust me the bible says so! 

Fact

1.      John 10:29 Nothing can snatch them from His hands - not in the Spirit realm or this mortal world, they are there in His palm and won’t slip through His fingers.

2.      Phil 1:6 He will complete the good work that He started in them - FACT

3.      Eph 1:13-14 There are marked with the seal of Christ ain’t nuthin gonna remove that mark believe me!

4.      2 Cor 10:3-5 Our prayers for them are powerful and effective for tearing down strongholds and every high thing that exalts itself against their relationship with God.

5.      1 Pet 1:19 the price for their mess and mistakes has been paid in full.

Beloved look at the facts and know He is Lord… and perhaps remember He was faithful to us in our mess and He doesn’t change.  

Hugs Ruth x

Loneliness a Thief or a Benifactor?

‘Loneliness is not the absence of people it’s the absence of intimacy’ Max Lucado

I Love this quote from Max Lucado it captures the essence of our human need for deep meaningful interaction. We lived near my family in Ireland for 5 years after my son was born. Nam (my better half) couldn’t get work there and so for a year I tried to sell our house while he worked in Manchester.  Eventually the time came where we could move and be together again in England which was good but I had a sense of foreboding because over the year of being ‘on my own’ with the family I’d developed some deep friendships and was now to leave them behind. Well, we moved, rented a flat and started to remember how to do family life… However there was a big problem. While Nam had moved on having new relationships and challenges in his new job; the kids and I were bereft of those deep friendships which as proverbs says are more precious than gold.

In Ireland we lived in a street full of children where mine had friends they loved and I had an open house which buzzed. Being in a small flat felt like being in a prison. Not the finest hour of the family Tong. I remember many tear filled nights while Nam was at work and the kids were in bed where the sense of loneliness felt so heavy I thought it would crush me completely. This was not helped by the fact I’d fallen out with God for not doing my life my way!

What I really needed was a friend, one who really loved me warts and all, one who shared my story and knew my heart. I needed someone who’d laugh with me and at me… The thing was I had such a friend but I was so busy being cross with Him that I kept myself in that place of loneliness for longer than I needed to be.  Self-focus in my place of pain robbed me of the solution to my problem – getting out and developing new deep friendships. God is good though… Opposite our flat a precious Malaysian girl had just had her first baby and was totally overwhelmed. I love babies… I love people… we became friends. Over time God drew her to Himself showing His great love for her in a wonderful way and He graciously allowed me to watch Him work. How great is our God? Peeps, loneliness can be the catalyst for moving forward and discovering new treasure in the clay of where He's brought you!

Hugs Ruth x

My friend!

Juggling - it's a load of balls but you gotta love it!

I’m studying again, I’m also… running two different ministries, sorting out number one son’s auditions, moving house while my better half is in India, organising a conference, writing a new book, mothering the dog, emailing agencies to promote ‘Shine’, wiping congealed yogurt off the bin, speaking publicly, slappin on face cream, exercising - oh yeah and writing this blog. That’s a lotta juggling! I know the yogurt reference mighta been a bit much but you get the picture…? I was looking back over previous blogs (so I don't bore you silly) and observed being busy is a kind of theme for me. Now I have to fess up and tell you dear friend – I could win competitions in whingeing because I tend to bite off more than I can enthusiastically chew and so I frequently find myself face down knowing my need of God. When I find the overflow of my heart is drivel and I’m entangled in the threads of my own making I know it’s time to step off the world, let it spin and get with God. I need to do this a lot! Just closing the door and climbing up on God’s knee is a good place to be, from there I can get my priorities straightened out. My Father’s lap helps me to see what I'm juggling from heaven’s perspective and sets my world back in time with His divine rhythm.

Guys I love my life, I love the business, I love seeing plans come together and I love feeling a sense of productivity as I see my plans take God's shape. But I do want to juggle only what He places in my hand. If you watch jugglers you’ll see as they drop or include a ball, their rhythm changes so the flow of their movements can absorb or adapt to the new pace. We come a cropper when we try and introduce a good idea that’s not a ‘God’ idea into the mix. Some of us juggle with balls some of us juggle with scarf's or skittles which is great... We juggle different things in different seasons too. A few years ago I was juggling school runs, Karate, and yep yoghurt on the side of the bin (no one in our house is a very good shot)! My parents who are in their 70’s still juggle with great gusto, only these days they model wisdom to their rhythm which makes their juggling poetic and beautiful.

I wonder what you’re juggling at this time?

Do you need help with your rhythm?

Climb up on your Father’s knee ask Him to show you what you need to see, then drop / pick up what He shows you and enjoy the juggle!

Hugs Ruth x 

When you're up to your neck in alligators...

When you're up to you're neck in alligator's - don't loose sight of your vision to drain the swamp! I don't know where this phrase is from but I've have had a love hate relationship with it over the years. I'll explain why...
At first I thought oh how wonderfully positive hold on tight to your dream and all that but the reality is when you are up to your neck in Crocs surely its better to get your ass out of there and live to fight another day?  As followers of Christ we have trials in the world because our enemy simply hates us and is passionate about our destruction. But we know our God loves us and is victoriously passionate about His creative process in each of our lives. If our enemy can't steal kill or destroy us He'll try the same with our hopes so we at least have a miserable life. 

For a long time I had a dream - it wasn't a particularly spiritual or holy dream but it was mine and it warmed my heart on grey days. In my mind I'd take my dream out and play with it, but time rolled forward as it always does and life's disappointments like alligator's crawled onto the shore of my island. My dream got lost in the sand - so for a long long time my life felt like I was just fighting them gator's with a pokin stick! One problem would get nudged back into the water only for another to sneak up from behind. I'd cry out LORD why? I yelled at God, I huffed, I puffed, I said some stuff I can't write here! I got to a point where I resigned myself to just doing this thing with a broken heart - it was a step of faith even to dare to dream... 

Gradually God showed me how He used those Crocs to shape me. He used those pesky critters to improve my agility, my strength, my ability to jump and negotiate change or difficulty. He reminded me of His faithfulness, His provision and His power to swat the humanly unswattable! Then one day I saw a glimmer in the ground as I looked very closely He bent down and picked up my dream from the sand, He blew on it, dusted it off and tucked it back in my heart from where it fell.

Have you some gator's in your swamp? - if so I'd love to pray for you please do message/email me privately... and I'll lend you a Pokin stick! 

Love Ruth x

Jesus the real celebrity !

There’s a book by a guys called John Powell called ‘Why am I afraid to tell who I am?’ the response on a person he asked was ‘because if I tell you who I am you may not like it, and that is all that have’. This dialogue captures our deep need to be accepted and understood. Most of the time that’s good but there are times we need to be clear what we stand for. I think relationship with Jesus Christ transcends denomination but it has a simple and clear message. God stepped into time in the form of a human because He loved us and wanted to give us a way by which we could freely choose to reject or accept His love. His death paid the price of sin and His resurrection gave Him and those who invite Him into their heart, victory in the spiritual war which has raged since time began. Many choose to reject anything with even a whiff of God about it – that is their free choice. Many others choose to embark on a personal voyage of discovery of who Jesus is as they journey through life.

This week in America they had the Grammy awards. It’s my understanding after reading various media reports that it was offensive to the point where one Christian singer Natalie Grant who was nominated for an award got up and left. If sex sells and it does, shocking sex sells more. On hearing she'd left the event, the organism that is social media exploded in multicoloured hype trying to draw her into argument about her views on Katy Perry’s satanic ritual, Beyonce`s twerking, or the mass gay marriage ceremony which took place as part of the events ‘entertainment’… 

But this woman gave such a wise response and I quote – 

“We left the Grammy’s early. I have many thoughts about the show tonight, most of which are probably best left inside my head. But I’ll say this: I have never been more honoured to sing about Jesus and For Jesus. And I’ve never been more sure of the path that I’ve chosen”.

What I love about this is she didn't criticise or judge or get caught up in foolish controversies which entangle. Nope she pointed us all to the only real celebrity, Jesus Christ and in doing so highlighted the simple truth that He alone is worthy of all glory honour and praise.

Hugs Ruth

I Belong to Jesus - if found please return...

(Ephesians 1:11-13) - Our Identity should steam from whose we are not what we do…

For a long time I’ve been a Mum, (my youngest has gone to uni) a privileged job to be sure, but Mum is who I’ve been and who I am is feels kinda packaged in what I do. Like the role of wife, teacher, leader, counsellor, speaker, – these roles have required me to do something which for me has shaped who I am. My dreams put on hold till ‘someday’ because I was needed, but now it’s just me needing me and I’m not sure what I need!

For the last some months now I’ve been praying for direction and purpose, I can but hope I’m going in the right direction. However if we’re really honest, the not knowing aspect of life can birth fear so that on occasions we freeze and ‘wait on the Lord’.  I know I can be such a spiritual Woose! … We all have a basic need to belong, to be accepted and loved I really don’t want to be rejected by God. In my head I know ‘He will never leave me or forsake me’ but because at times I forget what I mean to God, the reality of His word escapes me completely. I forget the price He paid for me. I forget the times God’s shown His faithfulness and bailed me out of another fine mess! You see guys, we can acclimatise to our setting, just going through the motions, being defined by what we do. This breeds a false reality because we are more than what we do.

I guess this year I’m embarking on becoming ‘the me’ God created me to be. It takes a conscious effort to set aside what we assume others expect of us, keeping it simple. Just pondering - who I am to God? What does He have to say and what is it He wants of me? So here’s what I’m gonna try and do. I’m going to accept this new situation - perhaps rather than feel bereft at my loss of identity I can carve out (with God’s help) something new, something useful and pleasing. There are new adventures to be had, new experiences yet untapped.  Perhaps this time of change is the best thing that’s ever happened to me yet! Perhaps it's time to dust off those daft dreams and ponder the possibilities knowing I can relax and trust I’m ok, me and God are good and we can do this new thing together… whoever I become and however that might look.

Hugs Ruth x