You are probably more generous than you think!

Last week the actor Paul Walker probably best known for his role in the ‘Fast and Furious’ films died in a car crash. Something few people know about this guy happened in 2004. A young couple Kyle and Kirstin Upham where in a shopping mall in Santa Barbara looking at engagement rings. They had seen one Kirstin really liked but it was very expensive and so were discussing this. Unknown to them Paul Walker was eavesdropping on their conversation. He bought the $9000 Dollar ring and gave the sales assistant instructions to give the couple the ring slipping away before they could see who’d been so incredibly generous. What happened has only come to light after his untimely death. The account touched me because Paul Walker just wanted to bless without glory. There’s something which stirs in my soul when I hear such stories, like deeds of light in the shadows of ordinariness. I believe there are so many ways to be generous and most of them don’t require a big bank account.

We can give a gentle answer when someone is all in our face. We can hold a hand and just be in the moment of another’s pain. We can encourage and bring hope into situations of exhaustion and defeat rallying another’s inner faith.  We can make time to listen and cultivate an attentive ear so other's know the value of their story. We can choose to be slow to speak, giving careful consideration to our words as James 1: 19 encourages us. We can serve the dreams of other’s reminding them of their goal when the road gets tough. We can choose a beautiful attitude in the mist of ugly and hurtful people. We can cut ourselves and others slack when they mess up and we can wait when we least want to. When I think of the character I know I need to do these things, it feels easier just to get my cash card out. 

So how generous are you?

With God’s help I’m getting better….

Hugs Ruth

The power of Vulnerability

I don’t like being vulnerable. I really mean it; I don’t do the whole vulnerability thing well at all.  A few weeks ago I shared a very personal testimony about my walk through depression to subsequent freedom. I have to confess for me this was a difficult thing to do. Firstly not very many people were aware of my battle with the deep sadness apart from a couple of very close friends. At the time of posting I wondered what people would think, particularly those who only know the Pollyanna me. The pretend me who smiled and tried really hard to be a ray of sunshine despite inner turmoil. I wondered would they feel deceived or mislead and if it would it cost me friendships? Secondly I grew up in an environment where people have ‘real problems’ for goodness sake and so I wondered if my family would roll their eyes in misunderstanding! Thirdly I know there are some folks out there who for their own reasons, dislike me and I felt it might fodder ammunition.

I’ve been pondering this for a while now and God’s been showing me a few things; like…

When we’re honest in our vulnerability we’re not a threat, when we’re vulnerable we release other’s to fully ‘be’ all that they are. When we’re vulnerable in honest truth we touch a God given core in each human soul because everyone has their weak spot! When I look at the viewing numbers on my blog there’s usually fifty or so who read it but in uncovering the whole topic of the deep sadness there where hundreds who read and I hope where encouraged. 

Maybe by setting down our shields of protection we can draw out the softer warmer, gentler side of human nature. Perhaps by being less paranoid and suspicious we can see past the prickles (and we all have ‘em) to the tender heart. I believe God is calling me to practice a new aspect of faith – the faith to be vulnerable and to trust that vulnerability into His mighty hands. And Just in case I wobble in my vulnerability… John 10:28 reminds me there ain’t nobody who can snatch me out of His hand!

Go on praise God with a little dance – jiggle it BABY!

Hugs Ruth

So what are you really saying about yourself?

I have a wonderful friend who is a prolific social media user. My friend has been going through a very painful time emotionally and although they are in the public eye what’s happening in private is unknown to the world. This is tough because they are required to project an image which masks their ‘real life’ pain. My friend commented, ‘I know looking at all my posts and tweets it seems like I’m really busy, out at events all the time and surrounded by people, but actually I spend a lot of time alone’. Their words broke my heart because someone going through such heartache needs a trustworthy hand to hold.

Our conversation got me thinking about the validity of social media - what are we really saying when we tweet/ post/blog or whatever?

I believe the truth will set you free – so how free are we when we are projecting a particular slant on the story of our lives? Speaking from experience I know faking it is hard work and takes regular maintenance – I’ve worn false tan, eyelashes and nails! What’s produced from this maintenance is a burden. A burden for ourselves and others to carry because it sets a totally unrealistic standard! Advertising thrives on such stuff! Look at the beautifully smooth legs in a lady shave advert. What most blokes don’t realise is that 48hrs later there’s horribly scratchy stubble, producing in-growing hair and spots! The smoothness comes at a price and is only temporary. Likewise when we try and project an image it comes at a cost and will only ever be a temporary fix. However walking in the truth that the utopia of smooth legs is momentary will set you free! But let’s consider the other side of this coin -being too open.

How often have you gone online, read something and thought Nooooooooooo! I have seen many inappropriate and way too personal details posted online and cringed. In fact I’m sure I’ve done this myself! There is wisdom in knowing the difference between public truth and private truth; balancing the two is necessary to stay safe and be at peace. Some things should remain between you and the Lord; deep things, personal things, particularly where other folk are involved. But there are many more bits of our world fit for wide consumption, births, deaths, marriages! Things which we can be free and open about without regret. There is a side to our worlds which bring life and light when we share out there in cyber space but there’s also a side which will bring destruction.  I’ve found it helpful at times to take a social media fast, using the time to be still and know that He is God. And He is God! God of the trial, God of the pain, God of the mess. He’s also God of our comfort, God of our peace, God of our purpose, God of our strength …. You are who He says you are, He sees your precious heart, He looks at you and says, ‘it is good!’

Hugs Ruth

Freedom from the deep sadness

I have a secret; it’s not something a good Christian should struggle with.  I’m embarrassed to confess that due to the shame of my secret at times I have at times been one person in public and in private another. You see, for most of my life I have suffered from depression.   The ‘deep sadness’ is one of my earliest childhood memories and has been there in the background of my world like a bad smell for as long as I can remember – I honestly hate it! I have never wanted to be the wet blanket or fun sucker for others, so in public I’ve been a Pollyanna kept my sorrow to myself. The  ‘Deep Sadness’ has exhausted me, overwhelmed me and held me captive in a whirlpool of hopelessness which at times has felt like a living death carrying with it a deep sense of shame because you know the wonder of what God has done. You know His goodness, love and mercy and this compounds your feelings of self-exasperation. I have prayed I have fasted; I have kept a ‘thank you’ journal to help me stay grateful. I have had other people pray for healing and tried to do all the things which are meant to help - regular exercise, sleep and serving people. I even wrote a book to help me cheerlead myself and guess what it cheerlead others instead!

At the beginning of this year I went to a delightful place in Kent  www.crowhursthealing.co.uk (wonderful place, I’d recommend it). I like to take time to get away at the beginning of the year and just be with God. From this time God and I usually produce a list of things to pray about /act on throughout the year to come. Well this year I’ve been praying for freedom from the ‘deep sadness’ amongst other things. I know God answers prayers… So we’re in November...

Well peeps it all started about 6 weeks ago I put in place some boundaries; it was liberating and showed me how very burdened I’d been carrying stuff not given to me by God. A week later we had a wonderful visiting preacher Nikki Rucci who came and spoke about issues of the heart. I always assume there’s dross needs burning off when I hear sermons on such topics and was bracing myself because I gotta lotta dross! However over the course of the following week God showed me some deep, deep stuff He wanted to heal – wounds I had endured for the sake of His church. It’s sad but I had gotten to a place in my walk were I thought you just did this thing called service with a broken heart – A week later our pastor Paddy Venner spoke on freedom and ‘how the devil is terrified of our future because all he can goad us with is the past’.

Friends I have to tell you for the last 6 weeks now the deep sadness has gone – completely! It was nothing I did, there was no clever therapy or strategy… only God and I’m still in a state of awe at what God has done and pinching myself with the reality of it all! My sister is still terminal, there are still concerns, challenges and work to be done but I am miraculously free – and free indeed!I want to use this blog to praise the source of my freedom Jesus Christ. If you’re battling with a chronic condition - do life God’s way your character will be developed in the process but God will come through for you. The words from Habakkuk have been my mantra over the last 15 years or so.

Habakkuk 3:17- 18 “Even though the fig tree does not blossom and there are no grapes on the vines; even if the olive harvest fails and the fields produce nothing edible; even if the flock is snatched from the sheep fold – and there are no herds in the stalls, as for me I WILL rejoice in the Lord. I will find my strength in the Lord who delivers me”.

Sometimes breakthrough takes a long time but who the Father sets free is free indeed – I’m so looking forward to the rest of my life…

Love Ruth x

Time isn't precious people are…

In Northern Ireland in the 70’s - 80’s the regional radio station which most folks tuned into was called ‘Down Town Radio’ snappy eh?  Good old ‘Down Town’ could be heard in offices, mini cabs, dentist surgeries, gyms, corner shops and café’s all over Northern Ireland. It belonged to all sections of the community and was happily shared by everyone. Like many social interactions the very act of sharing can produce a something unpredictably wonderful - Something which ignites the human spirit and reminds us of our own fragility and the need to love a little more. 

In this case it was a song by a local country and western singer called Philomena Begley; her song was called ‘One Day at a Time’. It was the height of the troubles, a time of stress and storm for many and the words of this song captured the transience of life. It encouraged ‘Yesterday’s gone sweet Jesus and tomorrow may never be mine so Lord for my sake teach me to take one day at a time’.

As we journey through life I’m increasingly aware that time stops for no man; there is a moving forward, always forward and we only have this day.

What I’ve come to see is, time isn’t precious people are! When we reminisce we remember the shared experiences, the impact of shared words, the mutually held beliefs and cultural values of our time. When she died at 97 my granny was relived to go because most of her contemporaries had already left. She had couldn’t share with anyone who knew ‘what it was like’ because generations had moved on. Those who were precious to her, those who added colour to her world were no longer there.

Guys we are here for such a short time...

Look around you and cherish those in your journey’s path for you share more than you know.

Hugs Ruth x 

Why my learning style stopped me watching the news!

Each one of us has a pre-wired sensitivity to learning through our experiences. We're created for growth and development and will filter our understanding though what we know - so far. As we grow our social and emotional environment will mesh with our biology to shape and inform our personality. Depending on what's encouraged and discouraged as you grow - you'll have particular areas of sensitivity which will touch, inspire, motivate and energise you... but there'll be other areas which will be just as sensitive but more difficult to negotiate. I'm deeply impacted by the spoken word coupled with a visual outworking of that word. At conferences I'm the one blubbing at the video trailers!

Philippians 4:8-9 reminds us to focus our minds on positive things and what we learn from God to put into practice so we can know peace. So what's this got to do with me not watching the news? Well... I've found I get so caught up in the suffering, the injustice and the evil (negativity sells!) that my peace is robbed and my practical love for people is hindered. The TV news hits the buttons of my learning in an unhelpful way. I've got a great App on my phone where I can now read what's going on so I'm still effective and have peace. 

 So what's your learning style ? Psychologist and Pastor Jonh Ortberg categorises...

• Visual -  learn best by watching / looking /seeing
• Auditory - learn best by listening / hearing attending to environmental sounds
• Tactile - learn best by touching / handling/ doing
• Oral - learn best by make sense externally through speaking/ saying / repetition
• Social - learn best by interacting / group work / team tasks
• Logical - learn best in linear process / written / reasoning/calculation
• Imaginative - learn best by engaging emotion through art/story/imagery*

Are there changes you can make in light of self recognition to help you get peace?

Hugs Ruth x  

Taken form the 'Me' the me I want to be by John Ortberg pg. 56 Zondervan Publishing 2010

Egg shell shuffle...

 I once worked for a person who was explosive and aggressive. This made for awful working environment, where we, the staff would tiptoe around for fear of getting lamb blasted. This person’s leadership style was to instil fear into those beneath him, openly criticising and finding fault. He would humiliate staff and seemed to take delight when they made a mistake and he ‘caught them out’! We all dreaded going into such an abusive environment each day. He was a poor example of leadership and we all breathed a sigh of relief when one glorious day he left! What was interesting was after he’d gone I noticed I still felt jumpy and did my job in the shadow fear. You see I’d become so conditioned to walking on eggshells that when they were no longer there I still tip toed around as if they were. Psychology has shown it takes time to unlearn a deeply ingrained behaviour and I had to unlearn fear and learn trust.

When you’re walking on eggshells you can’t walk in faith or creativity because faith & creativity and fear don’t mix. The good news is we were not created to tip toe through life. In Christ we are changed from victim to victor. In Christ we are free to stomp around in big beautiful blessed boots because when we know Jesus as our saviour and best friend we walk on solid ground. God created us with trust as a massive character component which is why it hurts so much when trust is violated. It’s good to remind ourselves this God we love is trustworthy. He is totally dependable, He will never lamb blast us and certainly never delights in our mistakes – He loves us and wants us walking in faith not fear. Are any areas in your life where you feel like you’re walking on eggshells? Allow the Holy Spirit to take you by the hand and restore your confidence. 

Hey and next time it rains go stomp in some puddles and remind yourself you’re free!

Hugs Ruth x