When you're up to your neck in alligators...

When you're up to you're neck in alligator's - don't loose sight of your vision to drain the swamp! I don't know where this phrase is from but I've have had a love hate relationship with it over the years. I'll explain why...
At first I thought oh how wonderfully positive hold on tight to your dream and all that but the reality is when you are up to your neck in Crocs surely its better to get your ass out of there and live to fight another day?  As followers of Christ we have trials in the world because our enemy simply hates us and is passionate about our destruction. But we know our God loves us and is victoriously passionate about His creative process in each of our lives. If our enemy can't steal kill or destroy us He'll try the same with our hopes so we at least have a miserable life. 

For a long time I had a dream - it wasn't a particularly spiritual or holy dream but it was mine and it warmed my heart on grey days. In my mind I'd take my dream out and play with it, but time rolled forward as it always does and life's disappointments like alligator's crawled onto the shore of my island. My dream got lost in the sand - so for a long long time my life felt like I was just fighting them gator's with a pokin stick! One problem would get nudged back into the water only for another to sneak up from behind. I'd cry out LORD why? I yelled at God, I huffed, I puffed, I said some stuff I can't write here! I got to a point where I resigned myself to just doing this thing with a broken heart - it was a step of faith even to dare to dream... 

Gradually God showed me how He used those Crocs to shape me. He used those pesky critters to improve my agility, my strength, my ability to jump and negotiate change or difficulty. He reminded me of His faithfulness, His provision and His power to swat the humanly unswattable! Then one day I saw a glimmer in the ground as I looked very closely He bent down and picked up my dream from the sand, He blew on it, dusted it off and tucked it back in my heart from where it fell.

Have you some gator's in your swamp? - if so I'd love to pray for you please do message/email me privately... and I'll lend you a Pokin stick! 

Love Ruth x

Jesus the real celebrity !

There’s a book by a guys called John Powell called ‘Why am I afraid to tell who I am?’ the response on a person he asked was ‘because if I tell you who I am you may not like it, and that is all that have’. This dialogue captures our deep need to be accepted and understood. Most of the time that’s good but there are times we need to be clear what we stand for. I think relationship with Jesus Christ transcends denomination but it has a simple and clear message. God stepped into time in the form of a human because He loved us and wanted to give us a way by which we could freely choose to reject or accept His love. His death paid the price of sin and His resurrection gave Him and those who invite Him into their heart, victory in the spiritual war which has raged since time began. Many choose to reject anything with even a whiff of God about it – that is their free choice. Many others choose to embark on a personal voyage of discovery of who Jesus is as they journey through life.

This week in America they had the Grammy awards. It’s my understanding after reading various media reports that it was offensive to the point where one Christian singer Natalie Grant who was nominated for an award got up and left. If sex sells and it does, shocking sex sells more. On hearing she'd left the event, the organism that is social media exploded in multicoloured hype trying to draw her into argument about her views on Katy Perry’s satanic ritual, Beyonce`s twerking, or the mass gay marriage ceremony which took place as part of the events ‘entertainment’… 

But this woman gave such a wise response and I quote – 

“We left the Grammy’s early. I have many thoughts about the show tonight, most of which are probably best left inside my head. But I’ll say this: I have never been more honoured to sing about Jesus and For Jesus. And I’ve never been more sure of the path that I’ve chosen”.

What I love about this is she didn't criticise or judge or get caught up in foolish controversies which entangle. Nope she pointed us all to the only real celebrity, Jesus Christ and in doing so highlighted the simple truth that He alone is worthy of all glory honour and praise.

Hugs Ruth

I Belong to Jesus - if found please return...

(Ephesians 1:11-13) - Our Identity should steam from whose we are not what we do…

For a long time I’ve been a Mum, (my youngest has gone to uni) a privileged job to be sure, but Mum is who I’ve been and who I am is feels kinda packaged in what I do. Like the role of wife, teacher, leader, counsellor, speaker, – these roles have required me to do something which for me has shaped who I am. My dreams put on hold till ‘someday’ because I was needed, but now it’s just me needing me and I’m not sure what I need!

For the last some months now I’ve been praying for direction and purpose, I can but hope I’m going in the right direction. However if we’re really honest, the not knowing aspect of life can birth fear so that on occasions we freeze and ‘wait on the Lord’.  I know I can be such a spiritual Woose! … We all have a basic need to belong, to be accepted and loved I really don’t want to be rejected by God. In my head I know ‘He will never leave me or forsake me’ but because at times I forget what I mean to God, the reality of His word escapes me completely. I forget the price He paid for me. I forget the times God’s shown His faithfulness and bailed me out of another fine mess! You see guys, we can acclimatise to our setting, just going through the motions, being defined by what we do. This breeds a false reality because we are more than what we do.

I guess this year I’m embarking on becoming ‘the me’ God created me to be. It takes a conscious effort to set aside what we assume others expect of us, keeping it simple. Just pondering - who I am to God? What does He have to say and what is it He wants of me? So here’s what I’m gonna try and do. I’m going to accept this new situation - perhaps rather than feel bereft at my loss of identity I can carve out (with God’s help) something new, something useful and pleasing. There are new adventures to be had, new experiences yet untapped.  Perhaps this time of change is the best thing that’s ever happened to me yet! Perhaps it's time to dust off those daft dreams and ponder the possibilities knowing I can relax and trust I’m ok, me and God are good and we can do this new thing together… whoever I become and however that might look.

Hugs Ruth x

You are probably more generous than you think!

Last week the actor Paul Walker probably best known for his role in the ‘Fast and Furious’ films died in a car crash. Something few people know about this guy happened in 2004. A young couple Kyle and Kirstin Upham where in a shopping mall in Santa Barbara looking at engagement rings. They had seen one Kirstin really liked but it was very expensive and so were discussing this. Unknown to them Paul Walker was eavesdropping on their conversation. He bought the $9000 Dollar ring and gave the sales assistant instructions to give the couple the ring slipping away before they could see who’d been so incredibly generous. What happened has only come to light after his untimely death. The account touched me because Paul Walker just wanted to bless without glory. There’s something which stirs in my soul when I hear such stories, like deeds of light in the shadows of ordinariness. I believe there are so many ways to be generous and most of them don’t require a big bank account.

We can give a gentle answer when someone is all in our face. We can hold a hand and just be in the moment of another’s pain. We can encourage and bring hope into situations of exhaustion and defeat rallying another’s inner faith.  We can make time to listen and cultivate an attentive ear so other's know the value of their story. We can choose to be slow to speak, giving careful consideration to our words as James 1: 19 encourages us. We can serve the dreams of other’s reminding them of their goal when the road gets tough. We can choose a beautiful attitude in the mist of ugly and hurtful people. We can cut ourselves and others slack when they mess up and we can wait when we least want to. When I think of the character I know I need to do these things, it feels easier just to get my cash card out. 

So how generous are you?

With God’s help I’m getting better….

Hugs Ruth

The power of Vulnerability

I don’t like being vulnerable. I really mean it; I don’t do the whole vulnerability thing well at all.  A few weeks ago I shared a very personal testimony about my walk through depression to subsequent freedom. I have to confess for me this was a difficult thing to do. Firstly not very many people were aware of my battle with the deep sadness apart from a couple of very close friends. At the time of posting I wondered what people would think, particularly those who only know the Pollyanna me. The pretend me who smiled and tried really hard to be a ray of sunshine despite inner turmoil. I wondered would they feel deceived or mislead and if it would it cost me friendships? Secondly I grew up in an environment where people have ‘real problems’ for goodness sake and so I wondered if my family would roll their eyes in misunderstanding! Thirdly I know there are some folks out there who for their own reasons, dislike me and I felt it might fodder ammunition.

I’ve been pondering this for a while now and God’s been showing me a few things; like…

When we’re honest in our vulnerability we’re not a threat, when we’re vulnerable we release other’s to fully ‘be’ all that they are. When we’re vulnerable in honest truth we touch a God given core in each human soul because everyone has their weak spot! When I look at the viewing numbers on my blog there’s usually fifty or so who read it but in uncovering the whole topic of the deep sadness there where hundreds who read and I hope where encouraged. 

Maybe by setting down our shields of protection we can draw out the softer warmer, gentler side of human nature. Perhaps by being less paranoid and suspicious we can see past the prickles (and we all have ‘em) to the tender heart. I believe God is calling me to practice a new aspect of faith – the faith to be vulnerable and to trust that vulnerability into His mighty hands. And Just in case I wobble in my vulnerability… John 10:28 reminds me there ain’t nobody who can snatch me out of His hand!

Go on praise God with a little dance – jiggle it BABY!

Hugs Ruth

So what are you really saying about yourself?

I have a wonderful friend who is a prolific social media user. My friend has been going through a very painful time emotionally and although they are in the public eye what’s happening in private is unknown to the world. This is tough because they are required to project an image which masks their ‘real life’ pain. My friend commented, ‘I know looking at all my posts and tweets it seems like I’m really busy, out at events all the time and surrounded by people, but actually I spend a lot of time alone’. Their words broke my heart because someone going through such heartache needs a trustworthy hand to hold.

Our conversation got me thinking about the validity of social media - what are we really saying when we tweet/ post/blog or whatever?

I believe the truth will set you free – so how free are we when we are projecting a particular slant on the story of our lives? Speaking from experience I know faking it is hard work and takes regular maintenance – I’ve worn false tan, eyelashes and nails! What’s produced from this maintenance is a burden. A burden for ourselves and others to carry because it sets a totally unrealistic standard! Advertising thrives on such stuff! Look at the beautifully smooth legs in a lady shave advert. What most blokes don’t realise is that 48hrs later there’s horribly scratchy stubble, producing in-growing hair and spots! The smoothness comes at a price and is only temporary. Likewise when we try and project an image it comes at a cost and will only ever be a temporary fix. However walking in the truth that the utopia of smooth legs is momentary will set you free! But let’s consider the other side of this coin -being too open.

How often have you gone online, read something and thought Nooooooooooo! I have seen many inappropriate and way too personal details posted online and cringed. In fact I’m sure I’ve done this myself! There is wisdom in knowing the difference between public truth and private truth; balancing the two is necessary to stay safe and be at peace. Some things should remain between you and the Lord; deep things, personal things, particularly where other folk are involved. But there are many more bits of our world fit for wide consumption, births, deaths, marriages! Things which we can be free and open about without regret. There is a side to our worlds which bring life and light when we share out there in cyber space but there’s also a side which will bring destruction.  I’ve found it helpful at times to take a social media fast, using the time to be still and know that He is God. And He is God! God of the trial, God of the pain, God of the mess. He’s also God of our comfort, God of our peace, God of our purpose, God of our strength …. You are who He says you are, He sees your precious heart, He looks at you and says, ‘it is good!’

Hugs Ruth

Freedom from the deep sadness

I have a secret; it’s not something a good Christian should struggle with.  I’m embarrassed to confess that due to the shame of my secret at times I have at times been one person in public and in private another. You see, for most of my life I have suffered from depression.   The ‘deep sadness’ is one of my earliest childhood memories and has been there in the background of my world like a bad smell for as long as I can remember – I honestly hate it! I have never wanted to be the wet blanket or fun sucker for others, so in public I’ve been a Pollyanna kept my sorrow to myself. The  ‘Deep Sadness’ has exhausted me, overwhelmed me and held me captive in a whirlpool of hopelessness which at times has felt like a living death carrying with it a deep sense of shame because you know the wonder of what God has done. You know His goodness, love and mercy and this compounds your feelings of self-exasperation. I have prayed I have fasted; I have kept a ‘thank you’ journal to help me stay grateful. I have had other people pray for healing and tried to do all the things which are meant to help - regular exercise, sleep and serving people. I even wrote a book to help me cheerlead myself and guess what it cheerlead others instead!

At the beginning of this year I went to a delightful place in Kent  www.crowhursthealing.co.uk (wonderful place, I’d recommend it). I like to take time to get away at the beginning of the year and just be with God. From this time God and I usually produce a list of things to pray about /act on throughout the year to come. Well this year I’ve been praying for freedom from the ‘deep sadness’ amongst other things. I know God answers prayers… So we’re in November...

Well peeps it all started about 6 weeks ago I put in place some boundaries; it was liberating and showed me how very burdened I’d been carrying stuff not given to me by God. A week later we had a wonderful visiting preacher Nikki Rucci who came and spoke about issues of the heart. I always assume there’s dross needs burning off when I hear sermons on such topics and was bracing myself because I gotta lotta dross! However over the course of the following week God showed me some deep, deep stuff He wanted to heal – wounds I had endured for the sake of His church. It’s sad but I had gotten to a place in my walk were I thought you just did this thing called service with a broken heart – A week later our pastor Paddy Venner spoke on freedom and ‘how the devil is terrified of our future because all he can goad us with is the past’.

Friends I have to tell you for the last 6 weeks now the deep sadness has gone – completely! It was nothing I did, there was no clever therapy or strategy… only God and I’m still in a state of awe at what God has done and pinching myself with the reality of it all! My sister is still terminal, there are still concerns, challenges and work to be done but I am miraculously free – and free indeed!I want to use this blog to praise the source of my freedom Jesus Christ. If you’re battling with a chronic condition - do life God’s way your character will be developed in the process but God will come through for you. The words from Habakkuk have been my mantra over the last 15 years or so.

Habakkuk 3:17- 18 “Even though the fig tree does not blossom and there are no grapes on the vines; even if the olive harvest fails and the fields produce nothing edible; even if the flock is snatched from the sheep fold – and there are no herds in the stalls, as for me I WILL rejoice in the Lord. I will find my strength in the Lord who delivers me”.

Sometimes breakthrough takes a long time but who the Father sets free is free indeed – I’m so looking forward to the rest of my life…

Love Ruth x