I have foot in mouth as many of you who know me will attest
to! For those of you who regularly follow my blog you’ll know about my struggle with mental ill health in the form of depression. When I’m in the deep sadness
I am less sharp socially than I need to be and live knowing at any moment I
could unwittingly do / say something and drop a clanger. I do this because my
diplomacy filters aren’t functioning as they usually do and I interact from
within my cloud. I have lost count of the times I’ve acted first and weighted
up my actions second only to realise I’ve dropped the ball and framed my
conversation too bluntly and caused offence. This really bugs me about me!
I was pondering a few of the
times when the mess of my inner-self sloped out and I suffered the humiliation of
‘not being the nice person everyone thought I was’... (Actually most of
the time I'm really quite a likeable person). I genuinely care deeply for people;
they matter to me – so when I inadvertently cause hurt I'm reminded of my need for
God. I’m reminded of His grace and His goodness towards me. During my quiet
time it dawned on me that much of what I do tries to compensate for this
weakness, for no one enjoys rejection. I realised I try and be so kind and so
loving; folks will overlook my weird days.
There are times this has led to an unhealthy exhaustion as I’ve tried to
people please to compensate for the times I know I'll probably drop a clanger!
What I have learned in my time on this earth is when I'm living to please God He covers me. He covers my inappropriateness, my pride, my
mistakes. His grace somehow fragrances the contexts buffering against my foggy
days. His grace brings humour and favour where I don’t deserve it. When I’m
living to please my saviour I don’t need to compensate because His hand is upon
my life shaping me, sculpting me into something that will bring Him Glory!
Folks - the Lord loves a trier! Just keep living to please
Him, to bring Glory to the one who called you out of darkeners and into His
wonderful light, and you’ll be ok!
Love Ruth
More blogs from Ruth can be found on www.ruthtong.com
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