Loneliness a Thief or a Benifactor?

‘Loneliness is not the absence of people it’s the absence of intimacy’ Max Lucado

I Love this quote from Max Lucado it captures the essence of our human need for deep meaningful interaction. We lived near my family in Ireland for 5 years after my son was born. Nam (my better half) couldn’t get work there and so for a year I tried to sell our house while he worked in Manchester.  Eventually the time came where we could move and be together again in England which was good but I had a sense of foreboding because over the year of being ‘on my own’ with the family I’d developed some deep friendships and was now to leave them behind. Well, we moved, rented a flat and started to remember how to do family life… However there was a big problem. While Nam had moved on having new relationships and challenges in his new job; the kids and I were bereft of those deep friendships which as proverbs says are more precious than gold.

In Ireland we lived in a street full of children where mine had friends they loved and I had an open house which buzzed. Being in a small flat felt like being in a prison. Not the finest hour of the family Tong. I remember many tear filled nights while Nam was at work and the kids were in bed where the sense of loneliness felt so heavy I thought it would crush me completely. This was not helped by the fact I’d fallen out with God for not doing my life my way!

What I really needed was a friend, one who really loved me warts and all, one who shared my story and knew my heart. I needed someone who’d laugh with me and at me… The thing was I had such a friend but I was so busy being cross with Him that I kept myself in that place of loneliness for longer than I needed to be.  Self-focus in my place of pain robbed me of the solution to my problem – getting out and developing new deep friendships. God is good though… Opposite our flat a precious Malaysian girl had just had her first baby and was totally overwhelmed. I love babies… I love people… we became friends. Over time God drew her to Himself showing His great love for her in a wonderful way and He graciously allowed me to watch Him work. How great is our God? Peeps, loneliness can be the catalyst for moving forward and discovering new treasure in the clay of where He's brought you!

Hugs Ruth x

My friend!

Juggling - it's a load of balls but you gotta love it!

I’m studying again, I’m also… running two different ministries, sorting out number one son’s auditions, moving house while my better half is in India, organising a conference, writing a new book, mothering the dog, emailing agencies to promote ‘Shine’, wiping congealed yogurt off the bin, speaking publicly, slappin on face cream, exercising - oh yeah and writing this blog. That’s a lotta juggling! I know the yogurt reference mighta been a bit much but you get the picture…? I was looking back over previous blogs (so I don't bore you silly) and observed being busy is a kind of theme for me. Now I have to fess up and tell you dear friend – I could win competitions in whingeing because I tend to bite off more than I can enthusiastically chew and so I frequently find myself face down knowing my need of God. When I find the overflow of my heart is drivel and I’m entangled in the threads of my own making I know it’s time to step off the world, let it spin and get with God. I need to do this a lot! Just closing the door and climbing up on God’s knee is a good place to be, from there I can get my priorities straightened out. My Father’s lap helps me to see what I'm juggling from heaven’s perspective and sets my world back in time with His divine rhythm.

Guys I love my life, I love the business, I love seeing plans come together and I love feeling a sense of productivity as I see my plans take God's shape. But I do want to juggle only what He places in my hand. If you watch jugglers you’ll see as they drop or include a ball, their rhythm changes so the flow of their movements can absorb or adapt to the new pace. We come a cropper when we try and introduce a good idea that’s not a ‘God’ idea into the mix. Some of us juggle with balls some of us juggle with scarf's or skittles which is great... We juggle different things in different seasons too. A few years ago I was juggling school runs, Karate, and yep yoghurt on the side of the bin (no one in our house is a very good shot)! My parents who are in their 70’s still juggle with great gusto, only these days they model wisdom to their rhythm which makes their juggling poetic and beautiful.

I wonder what you’re juggling at this time?

Do you need help with your rhythm?

Climb up on your Father’s knee ask Him to show you what you need to see, then drop / pick up what He shows you and enjoy the juggle!

Hugs Ruth x 

When you're up to your neck in alligators...

When you're up to you're neck in alligator's - don't loose sight of your vision to drain the swamp! I don't know where this phrase is from but I've have had a love hate relationship with it over the years. I'll explain why...
At first I thought oh how wonderfully positive hold on tight to your dream and all that but the reality is when you are up to your neck in Crocs surely its better to get your ass out of there and live to fight another day?  As followers of Christ we have trials in the world because our enemy simply hates us and is passionate about our destruction. But we know our God loves us and is victoriously passionate about His creative process in each of our lives. If our enemy can't steal kill or destroy us He'll try the same with our hopes so we at least have a miserable life. 

For a long time I had a dream - it wasn't a particularly spiritual or holy dream but it was mine and it warmed my heart on grey days. In my mind I'd take my dream out and play with it, but time rolled forward as it always does and life's disappointments like alligator's crawled onto the shore of my island. My dream got lost in the sand - so for a long long time my life felt like I was just fighting them gator's with a pokin stick! One problem would get nudged back into the water only for another to sneak up from behind. I'd cry out LORD why? I yelled at God, I huffed, I puffed, I said some stuff I can't write here! I got to a point where I resigned myself to just doing this thing with a broken heart - it was a step of faith even to dare to dream... 

Gradually God showed me how He used those Crocs to shape me. He used those pesky critters to improve my agility, my strength, my ability to jump and negotiate change or difficulty. He reminded me of His faithfulness, His provision and His power to swat the humanly unswattable! Then one day I saw a glimmer in the ground as I looked very closely He bent down and picked up my dream from the sand, He blew on it, dusted it off and tucked it back in my heart from where it fell.

Have you some gator's in your swamp? - if so I'd love to pray for you please do message/email me privately... and I'll lend you a Pokin stick! 

Love Ruth x

Jesus the real celebrity !

There’s a book by a guys called John Powell called ‘Why am I afraid to tell who I am?’ the response on a person he asked was ‘because if I tell you who I am you may not like it, and that is all that have’. This dialogue captures our deep need to be accepted and understood. Most of the time that’s good but there are times we need to be clear what we stand for. I think relationship with Jesus Christ transcends denomination but it has a simple and clear message. God stepped into time in the form of a human because He loved us and wanted to give us a way by which we could freely choose to reject or accept His love. His death paid the price of sin and His resurrection gave Him and those who invite Him into their heart, victory in the spiritual war which has raged since time began. Many choose to reject anything with even a whiff of God about it – that is their free choice. Many others choose to embark on a personal voyage of discovery of who Jesus is as they journey through life.

This week in America they had the Grammy awards. It’s my understanding after reading various media reports that it was offensive to the point where one Christian singer Natalie Grant who was nominated for an award got up and left. If sex sells and it does, shocking sex sells more. On hearing she'd left the event, the organism that is social media exploded in multicoloured hype trying to draw her into argument about her views on Katy Perry’s satanic ritual, Beyonce`s twerking, or the mass gay marriage ceremony which took place as part of the events ‘entertainment’… 

But this woman gave such a wise response and I quote – 

“We left the Grammy’s early. I have many thoughts about the show tonight, most of which are probably best left inside my head. But I’ll say this: I have never been more honoured to sing about Jesus and For Jesus. And I’ve never been more sure of the path that I’ve chosen”.

What I love about this is she didn't criticise or judge or get caught up in foolish controversies which entangle. Nope she pointed us all to the only real celebrity, Jesus Christ and in doing so highlighted the simple truth that He alone is worthy of all glory honour and praise.

Hugs Ruth

I Belong to Jesus - if found please return...

(Ephesians 1:11-13) - Our Identity should steam from whose we are not what we do…

For a long time I’ve been a Mum, (my youngest has gone to uni) a privileged job to be sure, but Mum is who I’ve been and who I am is feels kinda packaged in what I do. Like the role of wife, teacher, leader, counsellor, speaker, – these roles have required me to do something which for me has shaped who I am. My dreams put on hold till ‘someday’ because I was needed, but now it’s just me needing me and I’m not sure what I need!

For the last some months now I’ve been praying for direction and purpose, I can but hope I’m going in the right direction. However if we’re really honest, the not knowing aspect of life can birth fear so that on occasions we freeze and ‘wait on the Lord’.  I know I can be such a spiritual Woose! … We all have a basic need to belong, to be accepted and loved I really don’t want to be rejected by God. In my head I know ‘He will never leave me or forsake me’ but because at times I forget what I mean to God, the reality of His word escapes me completely. I forget the price He paid for me. I forget the times God’s shown His faithfulness and bailed me out of another fine mess! You see guys, we can acclimatise to our setting, just going through the motions, being defined by what we do. This breeds a false reality because we are more than what we do.

I guess this year I’m embarking on becoming ‘the me’ God created me to be. It takes a conscious effort to set aside what we assume others expect of us, keeping it simple. Just pondering - who I am to God? What does He have to say and what is it He wants of me? So here’s what I’m gonna try and do. I’m going to accept this new situation - perhaps rather than feel bereft at my loss of identity I can carve out (with God’s help) something new, something useful and pleasing. There are new adventures to be had, new experiences yet untapped.  Perhaps this time of change is the best thing that’s ever happened to me yet! Perhaps it's time to dust off those daft dreams and ponder the possibilities knowing I can relax and trust I’m ok, me and God are good and we can do this new thing together… whoever I become and however that might look.

Hugs Ruth x

You are probably more generous than you think!

Last week the actor Paul Walker probably best known for his role in the ‘Fast and Furious’ films died in a car crash. Something few people know about this guy happened in 2004. A young couple Kyle and Kirstin Upham where in a shopping mall in Santa Barbara looking at engagement rings. They had seen one Kirstin really liked but it was very expensive and so were discussing this. Unknown to them Paul Walker was eavesdropping on their conversation. He bought the $9000 Dollar ring and gave the sales assistant instructions to give the couple the ring slipping away before they could see who’d been so incredibly generous. What happened has only come to light after his untimely death. The account touched me because Paul Walker just wanted to bless without glory. There’s something which stirs in my soul when I hear such stories, like deeds of light in the shadows of ordinariness. I believe there are so many ways to be generous and most of them don’t require a big bank account.

We can give a gentle answer when someone is all in our face. We can hold a hand and just be in the moment of another’s pain. We can encourage and bring hope into situations of exhaustion and defeat rallying another’s inner faith.  We can make time to listen and cultivate an attentive ear so other's know the value of their story. We can choose to be slow to speak, giving careful consideration to our words as James 1: 19 encourages us. We can serve the dreams of other’s reminding them of their goal when the road gets tough. We can choose a beautiful attitude in the mist of ugly and hurtful people. We can cut ourselves and others slack when they mess up and we can wait when we least want to. When I think of the character I know I need to do these things, it feels easier just to get my cash card out. 

So how generous are you?

With God’s help I’m getting better….

Hugs Ruth

The power of Vulnerability

I don’t like being vulnerable. I really mean it; I don’t do the whole vulnerability thing well at all.  A few weeks ago I shared a very personal testimony about my walk through depression to subsequent freedom. I have to confess for me this was a difficult thing to do. Firstly not very many people were aware of my battle with the deep sadness apart from a couple of very close friends. At the time of posting I wondered what people would think, particularly those who only know the Pollyanna me. The pretend me who smiled and tried really hard to be a ray of sunshine despite inner turmoil. I wondered would they feel deceived or mislead and if it would it cost me friendships? Secondly I grew up in an environment where people have ‘real problems’ for goodness sake and so I wondered if my family would roll their eyes in misunderstanding! Thirdly I know there are some folks out there who for their own reasons, dislike me and I felt it might fodder ammunition.

I’ve been pondering this for a while now and God’s been showing me a few things; like…

When we’re honest in our vulnerability we’re not a threat, when we’re vulnerable we release other’s to fully ‘be’ all that they are. When we’re vulnerable in honest truth we touch a God given core in each human soul because everyone has their weak spot! When I look at the viewing numbers on my blog there’s usually fifty or so who read it but in uncovering the whole topic of the deep sadness there where hundreds who read and I hope where encouraged. 

Maybe by setting down our shields of protection we can draw out the softer warmer, gentler side of human nature. Perhaps by being less paranoid and suspicious we can see past the prickles (and we all have ‘em) to the tender heart. I believe God is calling me to practice a new aspect of faith – the faith to be vulnerable and to trust that vulnerability into His mighty hands. And Just in case I wobble in my vulnerability… John 10:28 reminds me there ain’t nobody who can snatch me out of His hand!

Go on praise God with a little dance – jiggle it BABY!

Hugs Ruth