What are you Compensating for?

I have foot in mouth as many of you who know me will attest to! For those of you who regularly follow my blog you’ll know about my struggle with mental ill health in the form of depression. When I’m in the deep sadness I am less sharp socially than I need to be and live knowing at any moment I could unwittingly do / say something and drop a clanger. I do this because my diplomacy filters aren’t functioning as they usually do and I interact from within my cloud. I have lost count of the times I’ve acted first and weighted up my actions second only to realise I’ve dropped the ball and framed my conversation too bluntly and caused offence. This really bugs me about me!

I was pondering a few of the times when the mess of my inner-self sloped out and I suffered the humiliation of ‘not being the nice person everyone thought I was’... (Actually most of the time I'm really quite a likeable person). I genuinely care deeply for people; they matter to me – so when I inadvertently cause hurt I'm reminded of my need for God. I’m reminded of His grace and His goodness towards me. During my quiet time it dawned on me that much of what I do tries to compensate for this weakness, for no one enjoys rejection. I realised I try and be so kind and so loving; folks will overlook my weird days.  There are times this has led to an unhealthy exhaustion as I’ve tried to people please to compensate for the times I know I'll probably drop a clanger! 

What I have learned in my time on this earth is when I'm living to please God He covers me. He covers my inappropriateness, my pride, my mistakes. His grace somehow fragrances the contexts buffering against my foggy days. His grace brings humour and favour where I don’t deserve it. When I’m living to please my saviour I don’t need to compensate because His hand is upon my life shaping me, sculpting me into something that will bring Him Glory!

Folks - the Lord loves a trier! Just keep living to please Him, to bring Glory to the one who called you out of darkeners and into His wonderful light, and you’ll be ok!

Love Ruth 

More blogs from Ruth can be found on www.ruthtong.com

Control or be Controlled

Hey peeps I’m back! I’ve not blogged for a while as I’ve been up to my eyes so I guess I’d better make this a Doozie!

Lately I find I am increasingly working with teams of people. I love people! The skin and bone stuff of life, glaringly inconsistent, full of joy and sorrow meshed in the complexities of a human heart. Aren’t people wonderful? Yeah sometime crazy but always wonderful! People are the very purpose of God. He has an insatiable appetite to be involved in our lives, in all the muddle and all the majesty! God’s motivation towards all He has created is born of love. I’ve been thinking a lot about motivation of late… What drives a person to get their sleeves rolled up and get stuck in while others spectate? What leads someone to harm themselves, while others are led to heal? It’s good to develop a healthy self-awareness, to examine our ‘inner us’ and reason why we do what we do!

Teams work well where a leader has love as their motivation and not a need to be in control. Being rigidly in control can be a false god because when you’re holding on to power for power’s sake God is not really the boss of you! Often a need to be in control is rooted in fear or pride – Yikes that’s one well known yet lethal cocktail – I really want, nay need, God to be the boss of me completely in all areas, not just the ones I’m comfortable with letting go of. When we’re holding on to control we’re not trusting Our Father who has perfect motivation. When we consider God’s motivation we can see it’s humble, peacefully surrendered and filled with love. God’s love grows the potential in others. God’s love is pure in motive. God’s love releases the need to be in control; it is based on trust and choosing to think the best. The bible gives us a really helpful formula to help our motivation to be love rather than fear or pride…

Galatians 5:22-25 ‘But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. There is no law against such things. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit let us also be guided by the Spirit’. Mmmm… good advice from Paul eh?

Have a great week Hugs Ruth

In a few weeks my blogs will appear on my new website - so please do check it out www.ruthtong.com  

Are you Nuts?

There was a well known experiment carried out in 1973 in America by a team working with a guy called David Rosenhan. Eight researchers booked in to different institutions with various symptoms as patients to test if mental health professionals could recognise their patients beyond the diagnostic label which had been applied to them. Their finding made interesting reading.... You can read more 

 http://www.bonkersinstitute.org/rosenhan.html

The title of the study 'Being sane in insane places' for me is often what it feels like to be a Christian in the world today. There is much happening in our world that seems ludicrous and accepted as the norm. My heart breaks for those who are the product of dysfunctional parenting, relationships or self concept. I hate that self harming or depression is now considered a phase teenagers go through. I'm not ok with human trafficking or sex slavery and don't get me started on MP's expenses or bankers bonuses! 

BUT then I wonder what do I accept, what do I allow to be the 'norm' because I'm too busy or too lazy to do something about it? In the Rosenhan study the participants didn't act up they were passive in their 'pseudo insanity' and I'm challenged how passive am I? In Matthew in the bible it talks about taking the beam out of your own eye before you try and remove the speck from someone else's! 

People we need better eyesight, we need clearer vision to see the truth in an increasingly confusing world. This process requires humility because for us to deal with the junk in our own particular trunk we've got to be open to the resulting mess as we work through the crazy things we've accepted and absorbed. It takes courage to go into the mess of humanity with a mop and bucket and I applaud organisations such as IJM https://www.ijm.org/

 - HFJ  http://hopeforjustice.org.uk/ or Open Doors http://www.opendoorsuk.org/ who do brilliant work on behalf of the vulnerable. People as Christians we carry the hope of eternal life through relationship with Jesus; we carry His power to effect change and His love to heal. 

We each have today - shall we begin?  

Hugs Ruth 

I like Big Butts and I cannot lie!

I like the word ‘but’ – it’s a great word because it signals something unexpected is about to be communicated. The word ‘but’ causes a halt - it’s the stop sign for another direction, it’s the time out in conversation. It says look here this is important – you’ll wanna hear this! ‘But’ grabs us by both ears and demands our attention. I like clear direction, and simplicity, my Dad used to say 'our Ruth is as subtle as a brick in the face' because my need for clarity would cause me to over explain a point - Friends we need to pay attention when God gives us a ‘but’ because ‘buts’ can be total game changers. Here’s a few I’m applying to myself from Proverbs…

10: 9 ‘The person of integrity walks securely, BUT those who take crooked paths will be found out’. 27 ‘The fear of the Lord adds length to life BUT the years of the wicked are cut short.’ (You want to feel secure, at peace, in hope of a good life and future?) listen to this but!

11: 1 The Lord abhors dishonest scales, BUT accurate weights are His delight. 21 Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished, BUT those who are righteous will go free. (You need assurance that honesty is worth it, that justice matters to God and is being held by Him?) listen to this but!

12: 4 ‘A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, BUT a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones’. 15 ‘The way of a fool seems right to them BUT the wise listen to advice’. (You wonder why your life sucks and ‘it’ always happens to you?) listen to this but!

13: 2 ‘From the fruit of their lips people enjoy good things BUT the unfaithful have a craving for violence’. 3 ‘Those who guard their lips guard their lives, BUT those who speak carelessly will come to ruin’.  (You want fun, fruit and freedom in your life?) listen to this but!

14: 1 ‘The wise person builds their house BUT with her own hands the foolish one tears theirs down’. 34 ‘Righteousness exalts a nation, BUT sin is a disgrace to any people’. (you are dissatisfied and frustrated to the point of giving up) listen to this but!

15 1 ‘A gentle answer turns away wrath, BUT a harsh word stirs up anger’.  13 ‘A happy heart makes the face cheerful, BUT heartache crushes the spirit’. (You are weary from strife pain and anger) listen to this but….

Beloved there is hope in the place of BUT – Buts have life in them in the form of hope or of warning! So what do you say wanna make like the donkey from Shrek and sing it with me!

I like big butts and I cannot lie!

Hugs Ruth x

Success isn't what you think!

Mine’s bigger than yours, I’m stronger, I’m faster, I own, I’m more, I have…  any of that lot sound familiar? It’s good to achieve and be productive we’re created to bear fruit, but it’s not good to compare. Comparison is unhelpful because it places measurement on something unmeasurable. It lures us into the trap of self-satisfaction or at the other extreme total discouragement and it blinds us to the truth.  Think of the Empire State Building, it was designed by a bloke called William Lamb to compete with the Chrysler building and be taller - classic case of mine’s bigger than yours!  But who said taller was better, who made that the bench mark for excellence? In comparing, the achievement and beauty, the uniqueness of each wonderful building was obscured. Guys human kind has a confused sense of what success really is. We think power, movement, passion, speed, mass and strength are the characteristics of success but the truth is they are only part of the story. There is mystery and detail and a bigger picture; a picture where only God’s rule of thumb matters  - A picture where our petty positioning for power is as nothing before the source of all power itself.

God views our success from outside of time and He understands what has been invested and nurtured in the hidden soil of our hearts. God sees what you’ve had to overcome to sow in your small corner and I in mine... And His word tells us not to compare 2 Cor 12-18. I love that God has a purpose, He has a big picture and I’m a wee part of that! He sees every act born of love for His son Jesus. Peeps God sees…  He sees the chairs we stack, the meals we cook, or the prayers we pray. He sees the unity we build, the hugs we give, He sees the loving of the unlovely and hurts endured in the mess of service and He credits it to us. When we serve like we’re serving Jesus Christ Himself doing our best, giving it our all we forget the need to compare and jostle for attention because we will know our purpose.  Folks let’s NOT go compare – let’s determine to keep our eyes on Him and do our utmost in this short life to please Him alone!

Hugs Ruth x

So what is worship?

“Worship is not about music; worship is an expression of the heart. It’s an outward working of an inward stance” Dennis Merry.

We parked on the M25 yesterday, a lorry had broken down and so like the clogging of an over worked artery part of greater London was forced to grind to a halt as breakdown services were called. As we approached the flashing signs and gradually slowed to a standstill Elton John’s ‘Our Song’ came on the radio. The words describe how a lover would use their talents to show their love and this got me thinking about my own expression of love to my first love – Jesus.  Traffic Jams are a great place to think deep thoughts, to reflect on life where you've been, what you’re doing and where you’re going. I was thinking about the different ways us humans show love and how that out works on a personal level. I wonder about that inner stance of my heart; I wonder because when all is said and done it is this inner stance that will delight or grieve the Spirit.

I concluded that real expressions of love cost. It costs because human beings are messy. Relationships are complex and there’s a process, a journey in the working it all out (ness) of it all. Something beautiful is produced through the desire to connect deeply and cherish another person. We are often so wrapped up in ourselves we fail to recognise the sacrifice of love or worse we gloss over or belittle the cost another pays. If you've ever loved you’ll know the cost.. the searing vulnerability, the risk taken to offer love in the hope it will be returned. Great masterpieces, entrancing poetry, captivating sculptures or magnificent buildings take huge effort and resources willingly given. Freely given - energy, money and time just to offer an insight, a hope an expression of love from the depth of one soul to another and all without guarantee of love in return.

In psalm 42:7-8 ‘Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs His love at night His song is with me I lift up a prayer to the God of my life’. 

So how do we worship? – Beloved we do whatever it takes. We overlook our frustrations, our misunderstanding, our self-focus or our impatience with God. We press through all our junk because we love. Helpless in gratitude because He first loved us. We chose to love other’s because He first loved us.

Jesus this is my blog... and this one's for you.

Love Ruth x

Mom's stop fussin God’s got ‘em!!!!

Anyone else out there a bit of a control freak? We’ve been selling our house and I’ve gone all OCD about presenting it like Phil and Kirsty says I should. As soon as I get out of bed I make it look like no one’s every slept there, after a shower I polish the bathroom. I follow the dog round with the vacuum cleaner and have been finding it annoying when Nam messes with my sculpted display of fruit in the bowl by having the audacity to eat an orange – like seriously it was a beautiful pyramid!  I was thinking how brill it was to have both my kids living away from home and relishing in the fact that their bedrooms stay tidy. When the thought occurred to me was I always like this - only fussing in a less obvious way?

I was talking to a number of other mum’s recently about our children their lives, our hopes and dreams etc. and was struck by one particular theme with one particular group. This group was those whose children have left home. These young adults are carving out their own path in the world and in the process they are making mistakes. Consequently some of their mums are incredibly stressed because they love their kids and can’t bear to see their often self-inflicted pain. I found myself thinking if they are to survive in the water shed of letting go then we need to strengthen our trust in God because the truth is He’s got them messy as they may be in His hands.

Trust me the bible says so! 

Fact

1.      John 10:29 Nothing can snatch them from His hands - not in the Spirit realm or this mortal world, they are there in His palm and won’t slip through His fingers.

2.      Phil 1:6 He will complete the good work that He started in them - FACT

3.      Eph 1:13-14 There are marked with the seal of Christ ain’t nuthin gonna remove that mark believe me!

4.      2 Cor 10:3-5 Our prayers for them are powerful and effective for tearing down strongholds and every high thing that exalts itself against their relationship with God.

5.      1 Pet 1:19 the price for their mess and mistakes has been paid in full.

Beloved look at the facts and know He is Lord… and perhaps remember He was faithful to us in our mess and He doesn’t change.  

Hugs Ruth x